Blame Oprah

In my last post, I admitted I joined Weight Watchers.

I knew the commercials were coming. They alway do every year. And they are so good. They always make we want to join. Their marketing team has skills, to say the least. And I am a sucker for good advertising.

I told myself I was NOT going to do a weight loss program again. I was just going to try to focus on eating healthy and moving my body.

But then I saw Oprah, and she spoke to me. She made my sensitive and fresh postpartum heart cry. She told me, if not now, when?

That line is powerful to me. I have struggled to lose weight since I was 16. I have been on all types of diets and programs. Nothing has worked. So why would this?

But to hear ‘If not now, when?” Spoke to me on a deep level. If I don’t make this work now, when will it?

Having my baby stuck in the NICU because of my what I chose to put in my mouth was hard. It was a huge wake up call.

I have PCOS, it makes weight loss extra difficult. But not impossible.

I have to do it this time. I HAVE to. For my family. For myself.

For the last week I have actually been able to keep tracking points, a miracle in itself. I have worked out every day for a week.

I have decided to set myself mini goals on the road to reaching my goal weight. More on all my goals in a future post!

This weeks goal is to avoid sugary foods until I have drank all my water and tea for the day.

Every morning I fill up this carafe with a pot of tea:

I started doing this because I was finding myself SO hungry all the time, and it was making me overeat on points. The tea is unsweetened, and it stays hot all day.

I also wanted to switch to tea because I was finding myself having coffee 3 times a day, loaded with cream. And everytime I had that coffee, I craved something sweet with it. Which made the points add up quick.

I am finding tea has the same filling warmth of coffee, but without the added points that go with the cream and sweet treat.

So far this week, it was been going well. I had my first NSV (non-scale victory) last night.

I had drank all my water and tea for the day, and I had just enough points for one of these:


I took one out of the box, and set it on the counter for after I was done working for a treat. While working I kept thinking about the reward waiting for me when I was done.

Then I realized that I was not even hungry for it. Normally, I would have just eaten it anyways. I had the points, and I had been waiting for it all day. But this time I was able to recognize that was not hungry, and I did not need to eat it.

It may seem dumb, but as someone who struggles with disordered eating, it was very empowering for me. I was able to control food, not let the food control me.

I know I have a very long way to go. It is so discouraging to be at the start, and have such a daunting task ahead of me. I will need to take it one step at a time. One weekly goal at a time. And I will get there.

Because if not now, when? This has become my mantra.

 

T.O.P.S.

Tonight I attended TOPS (Take Off Pounds Sensibly) for the first time in 12 years. Honestly, it was depressing. 

Last time I was there, I was 70 lbs lighter. That is a really sobering thought. 

How is it possible that I have been trying to lose weight on and off for that entire time and I am up 70lbs. Mind you all of this weight accumulated in college. I have been struggling to lose it ever since. 

I feel like I have tried every program. Tried every workout. Started a new plan 1000 times. But I have never been able to stick to it. It’s not that the program doesn’t work, that’s that I give up. I always give up.

Every new year Weight Watchers commercials tempt me to join. This year, Oprah is the spokesperson and she pushed me over the edge. I joined. But I struggled to start the program. I would start, overdo my points, and give up. Same old story. 

This time I told myself I cannot give up. I need to do this. Having gestational diabetes with my last pregnancy sucked. Having my baby stuck in the NICU because of it sucked. I don’t want to go through it again. 

We would like to have another baby someday, but I absolutely have to get healthy. I don’t want to live like this forever. 

I have no idea how I am going to do it. I don’t know how I am going to push through when things are tough. But I have to try. I have to give myself my best chance. I am hoping TOPS will help. When I look back and realize just how many times I have failed, it makes me feel helpless. But there are other people who have done it, it has to be possible. 

So like Oprah says, if not now, when? 

Welcome To A New Beginning

Hi! Welcome here!

I have wanted to get back into blogging for quite some time, but I never did pull the trigger. But now, here I am, ready to go.

I was originally going to keep writing on my old blog, but I have changed so much since it first started, I wanted a fresh start. Plus I wanted to give WordPress a try.

To sum up my name choice, my husband thought he was marrying the perfect Mennonite wife. It’s pretty clear to see, what he got was anything but. With time, you will see why.

So come along on a journey with me. We will talk about parenting, working, farming, faith and everything in between.